Social media is replete with enviable couples parading in designer wear, living the jet set life, enjoying countless family vacations, fine dinners and attending every memorable social event on the calendar. Oftentimes this lifestyle is financed by the partner that is financially stable and a part of the one percent. These images of couple bliss which permeate our society often lead persons to criticize their own partners and highlight perceived inadequacies in their spouse.
It no longer seems to matter to many that when they initially started their relationship with their partner they were on “cloud nine” for having achieved the enviable position of being deemed “the one”. It no longer matters that before being inundated with images of persons living “better” lives they were perfectly satisfied with their spouse and their life. Bitterness, resentment and overall unhappiness often ensue from a feeling that one’s partner is deficient and leads to the harbouring of jealous feelings towards another person’s spouse.
This tendency to decry one’s partner and long for “greener pastures” is a path that only leads to destruction. It is imperative that when examining the state of one’s relationship and one’s dissatisfaction with one’s spouse that the motivation for growth and improvement should be fostered by a genuine desire and not by envy.
Here are some tips on how to avoid spousal envy and engender real growth and development in your own relationship:
Avoid Social Media
This may seem like the most apparent suggestion. In the midst of your journey stay focused on your goals. Do not allow yourself to be distracted by those who have attained certain goals before you. Life is a journey not a destination and people accomplish goals at different times and stages in their lives. Seeing people who seem to be living lavishly whilst you are barely struggling to eke out an existence may make you feel dissatisfied with your life but remain focussed on your goals.
Set Clear Goals
If you have embarked on a journey you need a clear road map on how to get there. Have clearly defined goals, set a schedule and have a realistic timeframe within which you aspire to accomplish your goals. Do not allow feelings of despondence to distract you from your goals or derail your progress. Never allow irrational sentiments to instruct your behaviour. Oftentimes the realization of goals requires daily commitment to the acquisition of those goals. If you intend to write a book, start with a chapter a day. If you are pursuing a degree devote two to three hours a day to daily revision. Most great feats are not accomplished overnight but by fervently and diligently dedicating oneself to accomplishing that goal.
Be Grateful
By our very nature as humans we tend to be ungrateful. Most aspects of our lives may be in order but we tend to focus on our problems. This approach requires a shift in our mind-set. No individual is perfect. No spouse is perfect. We have to learn to accept that all humans are flawed and celebrate the beauty in our partner. It is critical to be thankful when your partner provides, helps with an errand, gives a gift or a compliment. Learning to be grateful will help you appreciate the existing blessings in your life and not focus on what you may believe is lacking in your spouse and by extension your life.
Enjoy the Present
The pattern of your life may feel humdrum and mundane and the allure of thrill and excitement may seem exciting but can be very deceptive. The boring is often the secure. The spouse that works a nine to five job or has a reliable skill may not appear to be as appealing as the suave, sophisticatedly or appealingly dressed person on your computer screen. That person however may a reliable and stable force in your life. Do not demolish your home in an attempt to refurbish it. Find innovate ways to have fun such as inexpensive outings, attending events together, making a meal together or simply watching a romantic film. Learn to appreciate and enjoy the present. Time is fleeting and our loved ones deserve to be appreciated and not simply tolerated.
Water Your Own Grass
Persons often focus on the desirable attributes of others and compare their spouses with persons who seem more attractive, educated, skilled or affluent. It is critical however to water our own grass. If your spouse is overweight make a plan to devote time in the mornings to exercise together. Try to design a mutually acceptable nutritious meal plan. If your spouse’s salary is unable to cover household expenses, hone your skills and find a job or a side hustle which can equip you to contribute to your shared expenses. Your first thought should never be to simply abandon ship but to work towards growth and development.
Individualism, materialism and consumerism are all values of our society that tend to make us operate in a self-centred fashion. People often blame their spouse for a lack of fulfilment in their relationship without assessing their personal responsibility to making the relationship work or examining how they may be culpable for its deterioration. The next time you feel inclined to point the finger at your spouse, stop and ask yourself, what can I do the make my grass greener?
